AT&T is in trouble. The company's wireline business is declining, and the wireless business cannot grow quickly enough to offset the losses. To make matters worse, the company's defined benefit pension plan is a ticking time bomb. And to top it off, Ma Bell will soon lack the free cash flow to maintain her sacred, near 5%, dividend yield. So what's a company like this to do? Management has elected to kick the can down the road by using financial shenanigans to delay the inevitable.